Wednesday, August 21, 2024

Navigating Life after Deconstruction


Leaving a religion entirely or keeping aspects to one is a complex experience. From a mixture of emotions to an endless stream of questions, stepping away from something that once provided structure, community, and meaning, takes great courage. 


You might find yourself asking, "What do I believe now?" or "How do I find meaning without the framework I used to rely on?" These are personal questions that don’t have immediate answers, and the process of figuring them out can be challenging. The absence of familiar structures compels a person to find new ways to navigate life, morality, and mortality. 


There are also practical considerations to think about. How do you explain your shift in beliefs to friends and family who might not understand? Some relationships may strengthen as you share your journey while others might become strained due to differing beliefs. 


What does this change mean for your routines and sense of purpose? All the things that once brought comfort and stability may need to be replaced or reimagined. You might even create new traditions or engage in activities that reflect your changing values and priorities.


Because the process varies from person to person the answers sought might not come easily or quickly. I wish I could say there are cookie cutter methods of moving through all of it, but that isn’t truth. It’s a personal journey and life after deconstruction requires a willingness to embrace uncertainty. Over time there will be guiding principles that feel more authentic to who you are becoming, but it takes a level of patience to wait this out.  Let's look at this in more detail. 


From Confinement to Freedom


The first step people experience is an initial joy that emerges as the weight of religion lifts. For some, it’s a second salvation, a rebirth into a life you could say where they are free to think, explore, and live on their own terms. 


This shift allows for intellectual freedom, where you can delve into new ideas without being restricted by traditional dogma. This intellectual openness not only enriches your understanding of the world but also provides emotional relief, as you let go of guilt, fear, and pressure.


As obligations fade away, decision making becomes more authentic, guided by what feels right to you rather than what’s expected. Embracing this independence as a human being creates new avenues for personal growth and inner peace. This journey also brings an increased sense of personal responsibility. By aligning your choices with sovereignty, you develop a stronger sense of ownership over your life, a deeper sense of personal integrity, and a meaningful connection with people and the world around you.


The Way Forward with New Materials

After the process of deconstruction, the focus shifts toward reconstructing a meaningful life. This journey involves several key steps:

·      

FiFinding Community: Forming new communities that reflect one's evolved beliefs is essential. Whether joining online forums, attending local meetups, or building new social circles that offer support and belonging, community is a powerful force that helps to continue the journey of self-development.

·      

EEmbracing Authenticity: The end game is to live in harmony with your true self. This means living life from genuine passion and pursuing paths that resonate with your core interests and personal growth.


SSShifting Sands Inspire a new Era

 Though religious structures are undergoing significant transformation, this doesn’t need to be a cause for alarm, but instead should be seen as a natural progression in the evolution of humanity. What’s exciting about this period is the potential for growth and innovation. As traditional religious boundaries soften, there's greater space for dialogue and cooperation. This cross pollination leads to a more nuanced perspective of human experience. It also leads to greater empathy and understanding among people of diverse backgrounds. This is a time of integration, and the potential for personal and collective greatness is increasing.

 

A Rallying for Shared Vision

To those who have walked the path of deconstruction, take heart. You have created space now for incredible growth and understanding. Grant yourself the gift of pause and reflection. Embrace the lessons you’ve learned and allow yourself to rebuild into the life you’ve dreamed. You are not only stronger but also wiser for having faced the shadow work of letting go. As you continue your path, allow the renewed vision to lead you towards all your heart’s desires. Your journey is evolving, not ending. 


For our collective community the process of deconstruction can test our unity. Now is the time to come together with renewed purpose and solidarity. Let us offer one another unwavering support as we navigate this new chapter and reconstruct our shared values. Create spaces for heartfelt dialogue and collaboration, drawing on our diverse experiences and wisdom. We know how to build a community as the tools are inside each of us. This moment presents a unique opportunity to redefine our collective identity and shape a future that is inclusive, soul led, and full of hope. Together, let us move forward with shared strength and a deep commitment to a more united future. We are birthing a new earth where everyone thrives. 


Lots of Love,

Ellen

 

Monday, July 8, 2024

Reclaiming your Spirit: Healing Religious Trauma and Embracing Authentic Paths

An extraordinary shift is happening, a collective awakening to a higher state of consciousness. This is not just in theory; it is tangible in how people see themselves and the world. Because awakening can be contagious, more and more people are discerning the toxicity present in many traditional systems, particularly organized religion. This growing trend is ushering in a mass exodus from these institutions as people seek healing from religious trauma. 

 

Religious Trauma and its Sinister Web

 

For many, religion has been a fundamental part of life, offering community, moral guidance, and spiritual comfort. However, for others, it has been a source of significant pain and trauma. As a Spiritual Coach specializing in healing from religious trauma, I have seen this emerge in my clients in various ways. Whether it be fear-based teachings, guilt indoctrination, suppression of individuality, and critical thinking, these experiences can leave psychological scars, deeply affecting one's self-esteem, personal identity, and overall mental health. 

 

The pain and sadness from religious trauma can be intense and long-lasting, so It's important to identify the symptoms around it to manage and heal from these deep emotional and psychological injuries. Recognizing these signs gives people the permission and awareness to take necessary steps toward recovery and reclaim their well-being and personal power.

 

Five Main Symptoms of Religious Trauma

 

Religious trauma can be challenging to identify because teachings and beliefs start at an early age. If the pain remains hidden, a person can stay brainwashed within the system all their lives. The subtlety of the manipulation makes it difficult to recognize the harm, leading religious communities to operate from unhealthy mindsets. Some common symptoms include;

 

  1. Anxiety and Fear: Many who have experienced religious trauma have persistent distress stemming from teachings about sin, punishment, and the doctrine of hell. These fears can linger after leaving the environment, making daily life and decision-making difficult. 

 

  1. Guilt and shame are common symptoms of religious trauma. These feelings arise from strict moral teachings with leaders as the ultimate authority. In purity culture, a church movement, human desires are judged enforcing beliefs around inadequacy. When someone succumbs to unacceptable desires, the self-blame for not adhering to the rules becomes a heavy burden.

 

  1. Depression: The internal struggle between the true self and an imposed religious identity can be hard to overcome. Losing a sense of community and feeling betrayed by trusted leaders intensifies feelings of sadness and hopelessness. Strict guidelines keep people on a tight leash, so when someone leaves, they may struggle to define their beliefs, values, and sense of self outside the religious framework. This relationship acts like codependency by eroding trust and confusing thinking ability. 

 

 The good news is that people are waking up to the abuse within certain religious systems, and information about religious trauma is readily available. As this understanding expands, more are finding the support and resources they need to address and overcome the emotional and psychological wounds inflicted by harmful religious practices. 

 

The Path to Healing

 

Leaving behind a familiar religious community is not just complex but is a painful journey. It means confronting ingrained beliefs by questioning long-held assumptions. Doing this shadow work is intense because there’s uncertainty when creating a new spiritual path.

 

The healing process usually begins with acknowledging the pain and trauma caused by religious experiences. This acknowledgment can be cathartic, providing a sense of validation and a foundation for further healing. Receiving help from therapists, support groups, and spiritual mentors who understand religious trauma is invaluable during this phase and creates a safe space to explore difficult emotions.

 

As people progress in their recovery, they believe they can reclaim their power and voice. The very act of self-empowerment permits boundaries and makes choices aligned with personal truth. This process is deeply personal and varies for everyone, but it consistently involves letting go of imposed identities to reveal the authentic self beneath.

 

This journey of healing is an inner work that demands patience. Rushing through this process risks overlooking crucial insights and healing opportunities. Each step is a deliberate act of self-discovery and healing, requiring compassionate self-care and support from trusted allies. Embracing the sacredness of this journey means honoring its pace and allowing oneself the necessary time and space to heal fully and authentically.

 

Rediscovering Spirituality

 

One of the most profound outcomes of this healing process is the reclamation of spirituality. Many who leave organized religion find their spiritual longing does not disappear; instead, it transforms into a more personal and authentic quest for meaning. This journey leads to discovering new spiritual practices and philosophies that resonate. This trusting of intuition helps cultivate a fluid and unique spirituality unearthing a deep connection to oneself, the universe, and the collective. Ultimately, a transcendence occurs from dogmatic beliefs.

 

The Larger Impact

 

The global shift towards higher consciousness and departure from toxic systems like organized religion has profound implications. An awakening of the self and embracing unique spiritual paths leads to authenticity, compassion, and interconnectedness. These attributes will reshape societal structures, building a more inclusive and peaceful world. The way people have related to traditional religious systems is dismantling minute by minute. 

 

A Call to Community and Unity!

 

As we embark on this collective journey of higher consciousness and spiritual reclamation, let us inspire each other to question and seek truth. Let us support those stepping away from harmful systems with compassion and understanding. Together, we can and are creating positive change for a future where everyone thrives on their spiritual path, free from fear and oppression. Your voice matters. Your journey is valid. Your potential is limitless. We can do this!


Lots of love,

Ellen

Monday, June 10, 2024

New Birth



Everyday we awaken to the world of appearances. Our 5 senses create experiences that shape our perception of reality. And yet none of what we see remains or is fixed. Instead we are surrounded by transient beauty coupled with fleeting &  momentary pleasure. While things may feel rich and captivating, at the foundation they're inherently impermanent. They come and go like whispers in the wind, leaving behind only memories and impressions.

This constant influx of life attempts to derail all of us so we lose ourselves in the pursuit of these ephemeral moments. We are drawn into the chase of shfiting sand, allowing outward things to define happiness, worth, and a ense of self. Somewhere we lose our memory of I am as we perceive with our senses only things on the surface, which hide a gateway to the deeper truths within. So we continue the pursuit & come up wanting.


As we carry on the desire for lasting peace & understanding beckons us to turn inward. It is within the depths of our own being that we discover a sense of timelessness & awareness that is completely untouched by the external world. This becomes exciting, so we center ourselves in order to cultivate the connection with our true essence. As we reach it, feelt into it, get lost within it, we expereince a steady & unshakable presence.


This inner stillness of our own beautful being allows us to witness the world  of illusion with clarity & compassion. The appearances are seen for what they are like waves on the surface of the ocean. As the waves crash, we now are aware that beneath them lies a vast & unchanging depth called self.


So we make a conscious choice right then and there to capture this truth. How it happens we don't know, but soon we learn to appreciate the world of appearances without becoming enslaved by it. We exist in balance, knowing that while the senses enrich our day to day, it is in the silent & timeless presence deep within where true fulfillment resides. 


Lof of love,

Ellen

Tuesday, June 4, 2024

Advocating with Heart for Unity and Healing


Every June, cities and communities around the globe come alive with vibrant colors, joyous parades, and a sense of unity and celebration. Pride Month is a time dedicated to honoring the LGBTQ+ community. It is a myriad of events that embrace diversity, promote acceptance, and celebrate love in all its forms. However, the shadow of opposition often looms, particularly from certain religious institutions that struggle to reconcile their beliefs with the principles of Queer equality. 

 As a Lesbian and a Spiritual Empowerment Coach, part of my work around religious trauma is advocating for my LGBTQ+ family by addressing the tension and ongoing challenges toward inclusivity. Pride Month is an opportune moment for me to reflect on my journey by sharing ways to bridge the gap between faith and pride. 

 

Transforming the Darkness of Faith


During my upbringing in the Evangelical Christian faith, specific teachings known as the clobber passages inflicted immense heartache, as they were rigidly interpreted and exclusionary, shattering my identity and relationships.

 

Because there is a widespread belief within many Christian Churches that Queer relationships are sinful or morally wrong, it often leads to deep shame and guilt. This belief suggests our very essence is flawed solely based on our identity and who we love.

 

To keep the wolf from the door, religious bodies must acknowledge the pain and recognize how teaching self-rejection fosters lifelong internalized homophobia and shame, affecting a sense of worthiness for love and acceptance. Validating these core beliefs through humble dialogue is an initial step toward healing.

 

Another way to mend ties with the Queer Community is for religious groups to accept how their beliefs can alienate families, causing heartbreak and isolation. Rejection from loved ones hurts deeply. I must stress this point. Addressing abandonment and isolation in a safe, unconditional, and affirming manner can pave the path to forgiveness and healing.

 

We have all heard of Conversion Therapy, but what is it exactly? Conversion therapy is a harmful form of talk therapy, supported by certain religious groups, that aims to alter sexual orientation or gender identity using discrediting and dehumanizing methods. In my experience within Christianity, this involved:


  •  Leaders cite the Bible in private sessions to label being gay as sinful.
  • Coercing me to recite statements denouncing my sexuality.
  • Undergoing prayers akin to exorcisms to "cure" my homosexuality.
  • Being asked to resign from ministry positions.
  • Publicly confessing and repenting for my sexual orientation before the congregation.


 Given that Conversion Therapy exacerbates feelings of self-loathing and internalized stigma, it is paramount for the Queer community to have the liberty and platform to voice their resentment towards this practice. Instead of leaders brushing aside or denying the harm caused by coercive pressure to heteronormative standards, they can help alleviate shame by fostering loving, safe, and affirming dialogue, which prevents further damage to our mental and emotional well-being.

 

What often goes unspoken is how coming out can lead to losing a religious community. This severing of support amplifies loneliness and feelings of being adrift and disconnected, creating an overwhelming sense of mourning for relationships that were once central to our lives. When religious leaders talk about creating a welcoming space for the LGBTQ+ community, they must guide their followers to transform condemnation into celebration.


 Sacred Harmony is Possible

 

True allyship within religious communities must go beyond Pride Month, however. Many of us who identify as Queer are asking for leaders and followers alike to:


  •  Listen to our stories and educate yourself on our struggles.
  • Speak out against homophobia and transphobia places tools of justice in our hands. 
  • Advocate for Laws and policies that protect our rights, ensure equality, and act as places of safety for all.
  • Create Welcoming Spaces whether at work, home, or in social settings.
  • Offer Mentorship for Queer Youth so they Thrive in life. 
  • Implement educational programs and training for religious leaders and congregants on Queer issues, emphasizing empathy and respect.
  • Do collaborative projects that unite religious and LGBTQ+ groups

 

All these things are doable and cultivate sustainable unity, a concerted effort on both sides of the conversation. It should not be up to religious groups to come together first, any more than it is up to the Queer Community to lead the way. Both are needed.


 Debunking is in Order


To encourage cohesion, myths must be dispelled that hinder harmony. In Evangelical Christianity, I encountered the Choice Myth, wrongly suggesting that being Queer is a lifestyle choice. Another prevalent belief was Faith Incompatibility, implying that Queer and religious identities contradict each other.

 

The Queer community also holds myths about religion. Some assume all religious institutions are inherently hostile to Queer individuals, overlooking diversity within religious communities. Similarly, there is the notion that religious beliefs are rigid and resistant to change, ignoring progress in theological perspectives. Overall, the belief persists that religious institutions resist LGBTQ+ inclusion, overlooking efforts by many to embrace diversity.

 

Ignite the journey: Unite for Progress

 

As we elevate Pride Month by acknowledging the celebration and the collective pain, let us not stop there. When we embrace inclusivity on both sides, we are strong as allies and nurture a well-rounded understanding between the religious and Queer community. This powerful force is not just envisioning a better world you are actively designing it. We are creators after- all. Let's pave the way for a future where unity is the norm and love and acceptance reign supreme.


Lots of love,

Ellen

 

Tuesday, April 30, 2024

Navigating the Inflated Ego and False Humility in Modern Spirituality and Religion.


In our fast-paced world of hashtags and self-promotion, traps of ego-driven spirituality and religion are tempting. From Instagram gurus touting their enlightenment to religious leaders preaching superiority, the dangers of always selling oneself as the best are detrimental to the core values of humility and genuine spiritual growth. 

 

An inflated sense of self-importance can sneak into our spiritual practices and beliefs without us realizing it. By pursuing likes, followers, and validation, we walk the road of comparison, evaluating our spiritual journey and seeking external approval rather than focusing on inner growth and self-awareness.

 

Even though modern spirituality emphasizes a form of personal empowerment and self-realization, there's still a danger of feeding into the ego for recognition and praise. When spirituality becomes a look-at-me fest rather than a journey of character development and connection, we risk losing touch with the essence of humility and compassion at the heart of many spiritual traditions.

 

Here are a few examples of an inflated spiritual ego. 


  • Excessive Attachment to titles around being a guru or "master" of something.
  • Boasting spiritual experiences, one's vast knowledge, and even spiritual achievements to assert prominence over another. 
  • Emphasize material gain by showcasing expensive items, luxury vacations and retreats, monetary wealth, and being a part of exclusive memberships as the end game rather than personal transformation and serving others.
  • Highlight renowned spiritual teachers, groups, or practices to show honor and unity without revealing the competitive edge and sought-after prestige.
  • Bypass uncomfortable emotions, conflicts, or challenges by retreating into spiritual practices or beliefs. 
  • Forming exclusive spiritual high-paying groups closed to outsiders who can't afford it and fostering an elitist mentality among its members.
  • Seek admiration from followers or peers using flattery or high-vibe language around spiritual prowess, experiences, or insights.
  • Use spiritual teachings or positions of authority to manipulate and exploit vulnerable people for personal gain around financial donations or loyalty.

 Religion falls into a similar trap when it creates a dangerous ego in its followers by leaders claiming infallibility. People become alienated and forsake foundational teachings of humility and service. Left unchecked, a religious institution becomes one of privilege and success by self-aggrandizement taking over. Spiritual enlightenment and connection to the heart eventually become lost and obscure.

 

A second trap entwined to an inflated Ego is that of false humility. The embodiment of true humility requires introspection and discernment because false humility masquerades itself under the guise of humility. 

 

When a person's abilities, accomplishments, or opinions are veiled, this can be an example of false humility. People don't want to appear arrogant or lacking self-confidence, so downplaying personal strengths and achievements to seek validation or approval from others seems the better route. But is it?   

 

While humility recognizes our limitations and imperfections with honesty and grace, false humility hinders personal growth and professional success by preventing individuals from owning their accomplishments and pursuing their goals. False humility erodes self-esteem and creates barriers to effective communication and collaboration with others. In essence, it leads to many missed opportunities and stifles inner potential.

 

True spirituality should not be how awesome we make ourselves appear before others but how authentically we show up with compassion and deep reverence for the sacredness of all life.  It is being open to learning from others, showing empathy, and recognizing the contributions of those around us. The journey toward spiritual growth is a walk of humility guided by love, wisdom, and a genuine desire to serve the greater good.

 

If you desire a healthy balance of humility and confidence, remember it's an ongoing journey of self-reflection, self-compassion, and authenticity. Celebrating achievements with genuine joy without seeking the external reinforces a balanced sense of self-worth. By integrating these principles into our lives, we cultivate a harmonious circle and foster a deeper connection with ourselves and those around us. Discerning these things unlocks one's full potential and contributes positively to the world.


Lots of Love,

Ellen

Tuesday, April 16, 2024

Simplicity's Serenade


Our world is filled with constant noise and distraction as many find themselves on a never-ending quest for spiritual fulfillment and a deeper connection to the divine. Organized religion and modern spiritual practice send a clear message of seeking and finding. Yet, I wonder if one of the keys to awareness is not seeking but letting go of the search altogether.

 

History teaches that religion and spiritual practice serve as guideposts for those seeking meaning and purpose. They structure everything around how to explore our relationship with the divine and unearth truths that lie within us. In this relentless pursuit, we can often overlook a fundamental truth: we are already whole and complete as we are.

 

My work as a Spiritual Coach is about uncovering dogma that negatively affects people and leads to Religious Trauma. A difficult teaching many of my clients grapple with is the over-importance of striving to please the Divine to attain enlightenment. This belief leads to feelings of dissatisfaction and disillusionment. Religious believers can become so focused on reaching this distant goal or higher state that they lose sight of two important keys.

 

              *We have divinity inside of us.

              *Being human is acceptable.

 

It's also customary for religions to place ancient gurus in high esteem. This inadvertently complicates and obscures a person's awareness of self and their connection to what's divine. This reverence causes people to feel pressured to live from unrealistic standards that create feelings of disconnectedness, unworthiness, inadequacy, and even failure. By seating gurus on thrones of perfection, the lines of how they achieved "enlightenment" become blurred. Some believed ancient masters were overly consumed with self-improvement to live in higher states of consciousness. 

 

It's vital to have a healthy balance between honoring teachers of the past while allowing individuals the freedom to forge their path and interpretation of what a spiritual journey entails. By encouraging people to deemphasize seeking outward answers and validation, we are prompting them to turn inward and instead embrace simplicity to being. This helps remove the need to constantly search separately and instead cultivates an inner recognition of the divinity that is already present within.

 

Spiritual simplicity is a calm invitation to let go of becoming something more than we already are to be complete. We are everything we seek. By embracing this we tune into our divine spark waiting to be acknowledged. This shift in perspective creates,

 

              * A meaningful and fulfilling life. 

              * It allows for inner peace and a deep-knowing experience.

              * It reiterates that nothing is missing or broken in a person. 

              * Brings forth gratitude, acceptance, and love of self and others. 

 

At day's end, the key to living a meaningful life lies not in striving to be divine but in recognizing that we are already divine beings in our own right. Embracing simplicity and letting go of the search for something outside of ourselves frees us to fully experience the beauty and wonder of life as it unfolds before us. So, take a moment to pause, breathe, and remember you are already everything you seek.  


Lots of Love,

Ellen

 

Navigating Life after Deconstruction

Leaving a religion entirely or keeping aspects to one is a complex experience. From a mixture of emotions to an endless stream of questions,...